Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Week 39 (April 17th, 2011)

I finally got word from my SEAL homie about his anti-piracy mission. I can't give details but it's crazy as fuck! He said pirates are everywhere and take over ships daily! He said it's way more crazy than Afghanistan. I told him he better not soften up and get killed by some dirty ass Somalian pirate! My wife gets pissed because my boy wants to train me and bring me with him one day! Would be so sick! WM needs to get some KILLS!! =) Anyway, I guess my other boy Brandon left 4 days ago to do the same shit. Here I am stuck in a tiny cell... boring! At least I'm faded. =) And I got 2 ridiculously hot whores from an American Curves magazine on my wall... lol. Jerk-off sesh tonight!! Man... I really hope neither of my boys get killed... shit would suck. They're the best men I know and, as Alpha Males stuck in modern times, they can earn no other living than as warriors. My boy told me too many bullets wizzed by way too close to his head... scary. They're my brothers, I need them.

On a brighter note, my soft ass neighbor "Blanco" hasn't puked yet! Last week he was kneeling at the toilet by the 4th cup! LMAO! HAHAHA!! I just "gassed" AKA shitbombed this loud fuckin' asshole! LMAO! So funny! He's pissed! He's screamin', "You useless fuckin' Wood Pile!" Fuckin' dick, that's what he gets! Reminds me of the ole TUF days. =) He's yellin' "Go to Hell! Hades, gone!" HAHA! He's a crazy fucking cunt! (Next day)

Can you say hangover? lol. Fuck it though, nothing else to do but lay in bed anyhow. Hey, so that lil' Asian guy from Burma I told you all about just slid a drawing into my room. A couple months ago I gave him an autographed picture of me weighing-in for the Yoshida fight and he drew it for me! It's real good, just the eyes are a lil' big and the hands small but otherwise perfect. See, he's such a nice guy, just makes me feel worse for him. i'm gonna keep this drawing forever though. He's a great person who got FUCKED and I never want to forget his story. Anyway, listen to this weird shit...

I guess it's pretty common for guys to do this while in prison... They take apart a razor and cut a slice in the top of their dick (the shaft), and then they shove a marble, or some type of round object, in the wound, so that it heals and remains a lump under the skin... crazy right!? They claim it "gets chicks off easier" with a good size marble embedded in the top of their cock... I dunno about that, but I do know I'd never do ANY kind of operation, on my most valued body part, in dirty ass jail. What if you got a fucked up infection and lost all or part of your dick?? Fuck that shit!! So far, the weirdest prison tradition I've come across. Funny, my neighbor just asked this black dude if he liked Kool-Aid and he answered, "course I do, I'm black." LMAO! I'unno, thought I'd share that, I found it funny.

Alright, I only have 3 months left, release is coming soon! I'm excited, this has been a horrible waste of time! One good thing though is now it is engrained in my brains to NEVER "go out" EVER AGAIN! I know if I follow those guidelines I will not get in more trouble. I've known that for a while now, but I guess I needed a fucking wake-up call. My stubborn ass always has to learn shit the hard way. Speaking of people learning the hard way, you have no idea how many guys have told me, "Ay, War Machine, if you ever need someone blasted look me up, I can handle that for the right price." These fools don't even know me. They just know that I'm aggressive but plan to stay outta trouble when I get out. They think I have mad cash and they can make a buck killing fools I hate. I won't lie, of course the idea sounds lovely, but this one year in jail is enough to know I don't want to do shit to risk coming back. I guess these guys don't "learn" because they have nothing promising to look forward to on the "outside." If it wasn't for my hopes, dreams, and opportunities, I wouldn't have "learned" either though.

E-mail me:
Jon Koppenhaver #10754342
(Include your mailing address, I have no internet)